loved as much as you are

I do not want to sound too schmaltzey, but aren't there just some moments that stop you right there in your tracks?

Complaining about going back to work (already!) tomorrow, and Dan said, "Oh you should be happy to see them."

And I said, "Oh I am! And they will be SO. HAPPY. TO. SEE. ME."

"Oh, Ms. Mudd!" I imitated their excitement and gave Dan a giant hug just like I know they'll give me. One foot kicked back in absolute glee!

"I got this...and I got that...and we did this...and we did that..." and as I rounded the corner to grab something in the other room I continued my sentence, "...and the stories will go on and on and on and on...and try-as-I-might we will get hardly anything done tomorrow because we will all be SO! HAPPY!"

He laughed from his place at the stove and said, "There are worse things in the world, babe, than being loved as much as you are. And I know you love them too. Even if I don't even know how you can put up with it all day."

And the world didnt stop. Nothing stopped me in my tracks right then, while the world and dinner barrelled on. But the memory stopped me just now.

You have to know I have had a bit of the blues lately. Holiday overload. Lots of emotions in rooms and I don't balance that well in humans over 7 years old. My family loves me through the times I get quiet. The times I get still. The times I don't have all that much left over.

And when I think I have nothing left to give, I walk in the door and give more. Gladly.
When I think I have no more advice left to give, I sit on the couch texting a so-very-loved one, and I find some.
When I think I'm too tired of words, I spend an afternoon talking with Maggie at the kitchen table, listening while she spins her life around me.

And why? Why do any of us give that much?

Because there are worse things in the world, babe, than being loved as much as you are.

Peace in 2020, dear friends.

-originally published January 2019

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