speak now

Our keyword for the school year this year is hope. Not hope as a wish. But hope as a foundation. A belief. A dedication to the knowledge that what will be will be. What is for you will not pass you.

I have had something heavy on my heart for a while. Not a fear. Not a ruination of all things good. These things pass. The good and the bad. It is all a sliding scale, all an ebbing tide.

But a fear, I guess. A fear that what needed to be done needed to be done. A cup that would not pass from me. An anger and a frustration that kept me up many-a-night.

I have a friend, a dear dear friend who just met with devastating news. News that mobilized me. That, in it's way, strengthened me. I thought to myself: If her reality should tomorrow become mine, would I be proud of what I had done? Yes.
Would I be proud of the things I had said? Yes.
But would I be proud of the things I had chosen not to say? No.

Speak now.
The words met me at every pass.

Speak now.
The words met me at mass. "You must rid yourself of all bitterness, all anger and shouting...and with it all malice."

But speak now. You must.

Speak now. The words met me at a staff retreat. A retreat whose themes were Bitterness, Stability, Hope, Obedience and Love.

Speak now, and speak with these things.

And so I did. I do. I always do. And the words? Spoiler alert--> not met with gratitude.

And I knew. In a million ways I knew that wasn't the promised outcome anyway.

The message was: SPEAK.
It wasn't: ENJOY.
It wasn't: Reap any kind of reward.
It was only one thing.
The daily bread-->SPEAK.

And life? It comes from so many directions. It pours in a thousand blessings in the aftermath of faith.

This weekend, Dan and I laughed. Oh how I laughed at him (with him?) at the market when he was unglued by a tablecloth (πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚).

Oh how MUCH fun we had Saturday at a wedding. How much we talked and shared and reaffirmed a million ways I love this man. And I suspect he loves me tooπŸ˜‰

How much did Mags and I share hugs and help each other this weekend. Jokes and crankiness and family and teasing all in one crazy snowball. Will and his texts. Roman and all his sweet childhood ways. Family visits and sunshiney hugs from market visitors.

Today in my backyard I give thanks. Thanks for work that is done. For this holy breeze. For these green peppers. For this chamomile which grows slowly and green and surely. For these sweet second graders who I will call my own all year. For an 8th grade year that Maggie has begun intelligently and magnificently.

And for a man who brings me the same teasing I bring him.
{D: "You dont even love me."
Me: "I do love you but I love this cookie more."}
A man who brings me my lunch at school when I forgot it, and is the answer to every prayer.

Life. Faith. Family.
It asks a lot. It asks a lifetime. It asks everything. But, oh the joy it gives back. The homemade pizzas, the beer on Tuesday. The walks around a wedding day pond. The giggles in a sunset living room. A quiet house. One lamplight in the darkness.

These things: life, faith, family. They could ask everything of me. And I would gladly give all that and more.

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