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trust the glimpses

I love a good message. These, the slips of paper, the words on someone's lips, the Calm app thumbnail that is exactly what we want or need to hear. I'm not particularly reflective of church sign boards, but I do love to see them so I can shout the message really loud at Maggie in the car--though I highly doubt that's the intent of the message, or the messenger, for that matter.


I am currently living out my own message right now--a message whose sum total appears to be--> WAIT.
Not a particularly helpful message, nor an informative or bold one.

"Wait."

Wait? Wait for what?

Some rather large heaps of news have arrived at our doorstep lately. Nothing bad or life changing. Only "large" in the sense that they challenge the path I thought I saw quite clearly. And I do see it clearly. It is most definitely still on the agenda. But-->

"Wait."

It's frustrating because I want to assume all messages are actionable. What do we do with a path that asks us to hold the reins? What if God's answer to the prayer is no?
The prayer is no less answered.
The message no less delivered.
And so I heed the message. Sometimes your only next step is to hold steady.

"Steady the ship," I can hear myself saying to the kids. For a steady ship is ever a safe place to start.

I can remember musing lightly the other day at Mass, wishing for Fr. Joe's words. Not in comparison, just in wistfulness. A feather of a thought here and gone. This is a man long gone from our parish, in reality, though not in spirit.

Yesterday, I found this among my papers. What path this message took on it's way to me, I do not know. I imagine each person who helped it along. Who printed the card? Who wrote the "X"? Who--even--was the person who grabbed it to give it to me? Try as I might, I can't even remember what I am being thanked for. This whole message, an endless conundrum.

Yes, I realize the original message is an idea for church signboard 😁, but I will take it as the second in a path of messages for me.

First, to "wait." And my waiting is inconsistent and only vaguely patient, at best.

But then, to "trust".

And so I will. I will wait in gratitude to all who had a hand in the finding of me. And I will trust because their hard work, even as unknown to them as they are to me, matters as much as my own.

 


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